Dating men forgetting about their women“... on your knees!” Linda shouted, but I was way beyond taking orders from her. I could feel my nipples getting so tight that they seemed to be pinching themselves, and I felt the full weight of the experience of every one of my thirty-one years. She shuffled to the door, mumbling to herself, and unlocked it. He quickly peered into the street and then stepped out. She closed the door behind him. Strange that you should say that, as someone who stopped existing ages ago and refuses to leave. I’m sincerely grateful for everything. I would probably be dead, literally, if I hadn’t had you to turn to. Yes, we were, kind of. No worse than usual, I reply. “I’m sorry, Murdo,” Duncan murmured to the big Scot. I loved the attention. It made me feel that he belonged to me even if he was with her. “Like what?” he asked. Duncan felt like a lost child who had found his home as he embraced the old Nipmuc. ~ ~ ~ Overcast weather is my favorite, and that’s how it is now, the sky cozy and dim, drooping clouds shrouding the glacier, revealing nothing but the foundation of a superstructure that I quickly build. I enlarge the glacier, though it’s big as it is, and make an egg out of it, an upright one. A speckled egg almost all the way up, snow white on top. There’s endless space to shape the land at my will as it leans behind a blanket of clouds, and it’s a very pleasant feeling to have betrayed a lover to whom you have no access anyway and can perhaps stop thinking about if you continue betraying. To stop thinking about something is the greatest relief. The feeling of giving up a secret love is comparable to that of pain ceasing. The best feeling in the world, someone said. Would you be scared to be out here tonight, just the two of us, Mom? The other bit of advice he offered at the end of every meeting: Cultivate a large family. I always thought he was talking shop here, too: children as indentured workers. But he meant otherwise. I learned later that he and his wife, Allison, never had children, and he didn’t realize until she’d passed what a mistake that was. “I think,” I said, “I think I’m a little lost.” “A girl,” I said, knowing she’d prefer it that way. Real mothers protect their daughters from becoming pregnant at fifteen years old. “Why did you kill him?” she repeated.. |