Michael Beeson's Research

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“Did you feel like you made a mistake leaving him?” I asked. I really wanted to know. As if a hand were waved, everything changed. No child in bed when Mother came home from work in the evening, food untouched in the fridge, the living room smelling of cigarette smoke, butts in ashtrays all over the house, the odor of moonshine hanging over everything, glasses on windowsills, in the bathroom, on top of the fridge. Then the night shift began for the worn-out assistant nurse, after her evening shift at work. The wait, perhaps until five or seven in the morning, or later, for that matter. And when the changeling finally stumbled in, the home nursing began. Sometimes it was necessary to help her to the bathroom, to hold the forehead of my vomiting child, or bandage wounds from the downtown battleground, at times from broken bottles or cigarettes. The poor mother never got a sound night’s sleep. She’d wake with a start after a short slumber and go into the child’s room to check whether she was breathing, to turn her over if she were lying on her back. Many a dissolute person has died from choking on their own vomit. “In other words, you only did it because you thought I’d had it?” It’s just so sad to leave Dad behind. When the fishermen climbed down from the stools to go home to their beds, we took our business around the corner to the Cock, which was just unbolting its doors to the late-morning trade. It was good to be out and about. It felt good eating all that food and sitting outside in the stupid but beautiful day. No one came to talk to me because of my dress and shoes. It was the perfect disguise in that part of L.A., the shabby, faded look. As the boys ran away, she screeched: I’m calling the police!You’re going to jail! ‘Yes.’ My acquiescence seemed to soothe her worry. From there we talked about my father again and how bereft my whole family was at his death. “My claws are long,” she continued in the Iroquois tongue. “Feel my strength.” “I’ve seen others do it,” I said. “I guess that means I won’t be getting your business, then?” The baby seems younger today, her hand reaching out, grasping and ungrasping like a sea anemone. I pick up something I have read before, something especially short; I have the baby bound and burritoed in a thin blanket next to me, I position her on her side, so she can stare at the black-and-white notecards slotted between the sofa cushions, and she seems content, and I read the story again; the story,The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter, is based on a Japanese myth at least 1,200 years old. You already play that game, by blaming your mother. So you shouldn’t be surprised if Edda were to blame you for a few things. “You ever drink the water from a cactus?” “I think so. We’ve been in contact with Preston’s business office.” I smiled and she did too. But we have no use for him. God, it’s beautiful here, says Hei?ur..